Monday, September 13, 2010

The full manuscript

Is in two places right now, and I am waiting. Waiting for a positive answer, hopefully. I check my email a good ten times a day and while it loads I hold my breath.

It's amazing how this process works, it is so time consuming and yet it is all for the hope of a chance. Everyday I am more and more grateful for the readers I have now, it is so nice to have that connection so simply.

I have a certain and uncertain time I am required to wait while the manuscript is considered. There are moments in the day that I try to send the story positive energy, which is probably stupid. I think of my sweet homeless soul, who really only lives in my head, but he is in so many hearts I feel like he is real in a way. Mouse and the knitting needles? His story, his chapter. I want to run my hands over it and know that he is being remembered by someone else as well.

When I have doubts, (which, oh my gosh, is all the time) I try and picture my favorite scenes and believe in them.

Lick, bite, blow.

When he plays the piano and the music falls over her like a waterfall outside the church.

Smile 200.

The sorry tattoo, and how she erased it in the sun.

 My mobster, so vicious and so determined to protect his brothers.

The weddings.

The funeral.

It's still so real to me, though the story was complete a long time ago now.

So I guess this is an update of my losing my mind just a little bit, the more I try the more I want it. The more I learn, the more I realize it is such a hard thing to put into reality.


  1. The more you want it, the more you will pursue it, the more of a chance it has of becoming reality.
    You have so many of us behind you in this - remember that. <3

  2. Thanks gorgeous, I could never have done any of this without you guys.

  3. I have faith that your story will be published. Whether by a company, or yourself, it is something that needs to be shared. Perseverance is key:)

  4. I find your blog post so very thoughtful and sweet.

    I, like many others, was so touched by 'Poughkeepsie', your characters, their stories and messages. (...And not just because I live near Poughkeepsie and went to college there!) I also have faith that it will also resonate with others that will want to share it in a more formal way.

    Please know that my prayers and positive thoughts are being sent out to the universe in hopes that you get good news soon!

  5. I wish you all of the best in getting Poughkeepsie published. It was a fantastic journey for me, as a reader, and it still crosses my mind. I can't wait to have a paper copy in my hand, as it is one of the most poignant stories (from fanfic and beyond) that I have ever read. Keep up the storytelling- you have my support, prayers, and gratitude!!!
    Tara (TrickyTicky)

  6. Mad4Hugh, just your pen name makes me tear up, you were with me on this journey and I am honored that you still read my stuff. Thanks you!

    And thanks maxandmo, I will keep plugging haha.

  7. It was always real to us. I will never forget my sobbing. Chest tightens even now in remembering....

  8. It's one of my top three stories of all time. I really think it WILL be published. It's more than just special and has touched so very many of us, probably in lots of different ways. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, but no matter what the outcome from these two publishers, don't give up. There's a place for this story, for your laser vision, and for your particular and very original brand of hope and light.

  9. It is so hard to see these posts you make when I wasn't given the pleasure of reading your story. I found it and before I was able to read it, it was gone. I hope that your story is published not only because you deserve it, but because I'm selfesh enough that I want to read it. I'm hoping that come hell or highwater I'm given the oppurtunity that so many else had. I promise I won't take it for granted.

    Not so patiently holding my breath right along with you,


  10. you are not alone.

    i want to hold the non-fanfiction, freshly published, version of poughkeepsie in my hands, feel the weight of its pages, inhale that nice new book smell which is basically crack for nerds such as myself... i want to re-read the words that you lovingly laid down with a stalkerish intensity that makes other people look at me and go "girl, you a little creepy..."

    i want it, i want it, i want it.

  11. I want it so bad I can feel it!
    this is my all time fav story in the fanfic world. I have my fav scenes to add to yours:
    you can play. you can play. please God. You can play. you can play.
    156. He counted.
    They are the exact color of your eyes.
    I could go on and on. Your talent knows no end and hopefully we can all enjoy it again soon!

  12. I'm sending this story positive energy as well. I love Poughkeepsie with all my heart, by far one of my faves and I do hope you get it published so that many more can enjoy this amazing story and its characters.... and so I can read it again and again

  13. I'm definitely with you hoping for a positive answer. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

  14. AH! Is there ANYWHERE I can read Poughkeepsie? I saw ALL these recc's for it and when I looked for it, I couldn't find it. :[ *tear* So, I was wondering if there was somewhere I co uld find it, or if you could by ANY chance, send it to me??? I would be FOREVER greatful!

  15. Keep the faith, sweet lady. I can't imagine someone reading this beautiful story and not wanting to send it to EVERYONE they know. It will happen. I CAN NOT WAIT until I can read it again. And commit it memory this time, just in case. Wouldn't an amazing present it would be if you posted the full story for just a few hours one day? Just to see if people are paying attention?
    Just a thought,
    Kellie :-)

  16. I know it will happen for you. This story is too amazing to be turned away. I read it and laughed and cried right along with you and all the rest of your fans. I cannot wait to have a copy in my little hands so I can read it again.

  17. I read it and found your story amazing, I hope it gets published soon and that I can read it again even though I'm in Brazil lol good luck 

  18. Oh no, just when I heard about this story , I hear that you took it down . Gah ! I want to read it so badly now! I hope it gets published , because you are a VERY talented person , and because I really want to read it . :)

  19. I love that you're going to for it, it makes me as an author myself proud of other people that are out there doing this.

    Unfortunately, my computer died earlier this year and when I sent it out to be fixed, the guy kept my hard drive with all my stories in it. Regardless if he knew they were in there or not, it still hurts me these stories I felt and lived as you live Poughkeepsie are not complete. I have copies, old ones and clearly unfinished, missing so many important things in them.

    This is why I really am happy with the fact you are trying to publish this story. I will, proudly, be of the first to buy them.